Don’t be Shameless, Take a Pill

Since its debuted in 2011 Shameless, a Showtime series, has caught our attention for its unabashed story telling of a dysfunctional family. This week Mandy, the quintessence of the hooker with a heart of gold, has unprotected sex with Lip (again!) and promptly asks him for money for the morning after pill.

Episode 310

It’s just what I need. Raising your bastard kid in the hood while you bang coeds in the back of the robotics lab.”

– Mandy Milkovich

Condoms suck to boys, to girls, and babies trying to exist. No one likes them but they are a necessary evil. I’m an advocate for contraceptives but things happen. Personally, I’ve taken the morning after pill three times in my life.

About a decade ago I went home with a boy and we ended up having drunk sex that resulted in a broken condom. No one is more disconsolate than a young, drunk girl with a stranger’s cum inside her.

The next morning we set out to kill the little virus that was burrowing deeper inside me. This was pre-over-the-counter-plan-b time. Acquiring the morning after pill was a mission with a fixed time to accomplish the tasks. We set out to the local Planned Parenthood only to find it closed due to lack of funds. Damn it! We told the only reasonably nearby hospital staff the situation but were denied treatment since it was a Catholic hospital and I didn’t want to charge the man holding my hand with rape.

The girl who had broken down in “my life is over” tears the night before grew into a woman. I told the boy I would handle it and dropped him off nervously. The following morning I obtained my pre-baby death pills at another Planned Parenthood a few towns over, call the boy to confirm that the mission had been completed, and curled into a ball to wait out the next twelve hours promising myself I would never put myself in this stressful and painful predicament.

Since then I always kept a couple of boxes of the morning after pill in the house feeling better knowing I had them. Once, a friend called me with a one-night stand horror story and I was happy to provide her with a pack so she wouldn’t have to face an accusatory doctor and their raised eyebrow staff.

But my time came again.

After a stellar second date my male suitor and I started to hook up at my place. You know when you’re in a foreign country and the locals have that look on their face when they want to help you but have no idea what you are staying? That was my date’s facial expression when I told him to get a condom. After a 20-minute discussion on the use of a condom, and how my cunt has the final word on the matter, we engaged in the horizontal tango. He finished and pulled out a victim of Freddy Krueger, a thin sheath of shredded rubber.

After the initial panic subsided, I flew to the bathroom to search successfully for my box of oops pills and shoveled one into my mouth. Once again I had saved the world from my demonic span and this time only minutes from the incidence. And mom says I have poor planning skills.

Karma has a thing for cocky people. Less than two weeks a slight miscommunication between my hook up and I resulted in a pussy filled with semen. This time, I nonchalantly stumbled to the bathroom, using the hallway as a walking buddy, and popped the prescription into my mouth. I think I said something along the lines of, “I got this” to the gentleman caller.

So, how casually are women, young girls, taking the morning after pill? The National Center for Health Statistics has noted that the use of emergency contraception has increased from 1995 to 2010 in the overall population of women in the United States aged 15 to 44*. Drawing from their studies the demographic mostly likely to use it are never married Hispanic or white women aged 20 to 24 with a bachelor’s degree of higher.

Well that’s me. But then why is Shameless presenting teens without high school degrees of different races using morning after pill?

Hopefully to encourage the use of emergency contraceptives to prevent the “roughly one-half of all pregnancies in the United States are unintended.”

Or because it’s entertainment. Either way, take two and call me in the morning.

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