Sexual Security

A common problem found in men and women alike is confidence. Confidence, in or out of the bedroom, is a hard thing to attain. It’s a temperament within people like being an intro or extrovert.

Men & Their Penises

Sexual insecurities in men often surround the most obvious of places, their dick. Penis size, both length and girth, is a neurosis I hear about more often than not. At my first job during high school a twenty-something year old supervisor asked me to look at his package and confirm if it was an average size. Even at 16-years-old I knew if he had to ask, it wasn’t.

I’d be lying if I said that dick size doesn’t matter. It does but to a certain degree and that degree varies from girl to girl. I’ve had them big, small, thick, thin, straight as an arrow and curved in every direction besides backwards. My most fun partners are the ones that I have chemistry, trust, and are comfortable with which have almost always been the average guys, not the big swinging dicks.

But it’s not just size. Men also have insecurities about their penis’ performance. Achieving, keeping and maintain an erection while retaining rhythm and avoiding foot cramps. Their timidities also aren’t exclusive to just beyond their balls. Even their oral skills are a worrisome factor. The end result is where the fixation lies: “Did I make her cum?”

While every man is independent in his sexual maturity, his age can give you a glimpse into where his mindset may be:

The Eager Puppy, 18-23: I am so excited to fuck you. I will fuck you as many times as you let me. Did you have fun? Cause I had fun. Do you want to fuck again?

The Dedicated Lover, 24-29: I’m really good at this. I’ll prove it to you. Do you like this? How about this? I’m going to make you cum, a few times. No, I’m not done unless you’re done.

The Professional, 30-35: You seem really cool. Oh, you didn’t cum? It’s because you have too many things going on in your head. You should work on that. We should do this again.

Women & Their Bodies

Female insecurity is more commonplace. With billboards, commercials, movies, and just about anything visual, women have been practically programmed to think our bodies need to emulate those in the ads. It has gone past small waist, thin thighs, and big breasts. We have more to think of: Breast size and shape, nipples ratio and color, and vaginal labia length. And that’s just visual.

Like men, we are also concerned about how we feel and our performance. Tightness, wetness, and smell. Flexibility, stamina, and oral skills including deep throating. No one wants to be the girl who just lies there like a hole in the mattress.

Being a girl who likes sex used to be enough. Now we all have to be porn stars in the bedroom and position ourselves so not only does our stomach look flatter, our boobs look perkier, and our ass look like it just emerged from a centerfold, but we put our ankles behind our head as you fuck us in the ass while going down on our female friend that we asked to join so you won’t get bored with us.


Worst phrase to hear during intercourse, “I don’t know. What do you want me to do?”

There is more pressure on males to perform proficiently than women. With that attitude male sexual experience becomes similar to learning how to ride a bike. They may bump their heads a few times, but with more practice comes more skill and confidence. They learn balance, how to pop a wheelie, and how to coast without using their hands.

Females just have to be there initially. We are the bikes. We are pretty, smooth, and a little daunting if you don’t know how to hop on. As adults however, skills as well as open-mindedness become desired. There are only so many timid virgins a guy can bang before he wants someone who knows what they are doing on top. A skilled female cyclist can have more boys running for their helmets than a girl still operating with training wheels.


In my experience men almost always cum when they have sex. Some, if not most, males announce their impending climax in a mannerism similar to asking permission. If you don’t think this is true wait til he says, “I’m going to cum” and respond with, “No, not yet” and watch his face turn to anguish as he pulls on his ball sack to savage a few more minutes. These boys are shooting for a good evaluation. Typically women do not have an internal obligation to satisfy their lover. After all, sex doesn’t end until he does. Why would we want to stop the ride?

Some girls can orgasm at the drop of a hat. I don’t know any of these women personally, but my male friends insist that they exist so I’ll take their word for it. Like glimpses of mythical creatures, their spectacle lasts as long as they do.

Pornos have given some men the idea that if their lover isn’t screaming in agonizing ecstasy they’re not enjoying themselves. This has created the added pressure of putting on a performance. We have to orgasm loud enough and in respectable timing to validate your efforts. We have to make sure you know just how much we love your cock. We put in all this effort to act like we are REALLY enjoying it, instead of simply enjoying ourselves.

The aforementioned create mental blocks that take us out of the moment with anxieties, preventing climax and generating ‘hard orgasmers.’  I can’t cum because I’m worried about whether you’re worried about me cumming.


After sex, after orgasm, after that peaceful moment of nothingness passes and thinking becomes feasible, self-doubting men evaluate their performance like a PE test. Discussing concerns of fucking too hard or too soft. And there is nothing worse than your lover saying, “Sorry” after sex.

However our confidence can shrivel as quickly as your flaccid penis after sex. The motions and actions that we are analyzing aren’t ten-minutes ago, they’re right now. “Why isn’t he touching me? Did I do something wrong? Maybe he just wanted to fuck me.” The common credence that women cannot separate sex from emotions, and those that can are sloots*, fashion an idea that our lover’s opinion is contingent on if we stay to snuggle or if we leave.

*Sloot: A person that is considered a slut by some and a ‘cool girl’ by others.

For whatever reasons sex has produced insecurities in both genders created from the same underlying theme: Get the girl to cum.

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