Perks Of Being a Slut

SLUT /SLƏT/ NOUN – A SLOVENLY OR PROMISCUOUS WOMAN

I’ve been a slut for years. It came easily (pun intended) and naturally. Like a fish swimming. After all, I started masturbating at four, showed classmates my panties in kindergarten, and never thought boys had cooties. Well, at least until I moved to Los Angeles. Everyone has cooties here.

Like most women, I initially didn’t like being called a slut. There is a negative connotation associated with the word that has simply taken out all the fun.

Now I could go into how there is a double standard between the genders. How a one-night stand for a man is different than it is for a woman, how we are the only ones doing the walk of shame, or how the number of lovers a man has is a tally system but a stigma for women. But the truth is, since I’ve been in the city of angels with giant ‘Get Tested for HIV’ billboards spotting the sky as frequently as clouds, I’ve lost my slut status.

But there are perks from owning that modern-day scarlet letter.

1. Hotter Ass

This isn’t a small town filled with overweight yokels wearing Wal-Mart clearance shoes. Want-to-be actors, models, and rock stars wearing custom-made threads (thanks to their friends at FIDM) riddle our city from baristas to parking attendants.

Pretty much everyone in Los Angeles is sexy and wants to have fun but avoid relationships because they are focused on their careers, unless a relationship can help their career. It’s hard not to go home with that bartender at the end of the night when he looks like a poster you had up on your wall in high school.

2. Smarter Lovers

After being in an abusive relationship for two years with a jealous boyfriend that would call me a whore to everyone including his father while I was in the room, I decided to shield myself by eluding to being sluttier than I actually am as a deterrent against insecure boys. This can be effective but also deters nice guys.

But the males that have entered my life (pun still intended) are open-minded, confident, and tend to look forward in life instead of backwards, a new class of men. I suddenly went from controlling, possessive dropouts with jobs in construction to sophisticated, well-versed lawyers and UCLA students. And none of them called me a slut. Imagine my surprise.

3. Better Friends

Once you’ve accepted your slut status, it disappears. That is to say, you’re not being slutty, you’re being yourself and the people who disagree with your lifestyle fade away. That’s when your REAL peers emerge. Eventually like-minded people surround you because they accept your behavior. It’s the inevitable consequence of living your life openly.

Let’s use an example. Vegans are held in pretty much the same status as Sluts. They’re great for a punch line, others think they’re better than them, and their lifestyle choice may make them sick and die. And in the same regard, vegans tend to befriend other vegans. Like sex, food is a basic necessity. And also like sex, people like to “eat” with other people who have similar taste.

4. More Money

Have you heard of porn? Do you enjoy it? Well, sluts make it and make money doing it. By ‘it’ I mean sex. Fornication. That wondrous act that men buy drinks for and women hold over their head for no reason whatsoever. Right now there is someone getting paid to fuck and some other poor sap dishing out dollars in the hope that it happens to him.

And Slut Money isn’t just made from sex. It’s the idea of sex. Pictures, writing, even just a sexy girl showing cleavage. I can go on Model Mayhem and make $600 in a few hours just from someone taking nude ‘artistic’ pictures. Or $100 for getting my feet tickled for an hour for a fully clothed foot fetish film.

5. Fame

It’s all about the story. It’s what you tell your coworkers on Monday. How your married friends live vicariously through you. And what you giggle about with your girlfriends.

You become a mini celebrity. What you did on Saturday is sudden on everyone’s tongue on Sunday. Your girlfriend tells her sister, who tells her husband, who tells his boys, who passed the story on to whomever will listen.  Whether its criticism or admiration for the way you live your life, you are still what they are talking about. It’s the same awe that makes us turn on the television. We want to know people who live these lives we’re too afraid to live.

6. Amazing Sex

And as if all of the above wasn’t enough… wrapping up the list is heart pounding, sweat dripping, dirty, kinky sex. Maslow was 100% correct for believing that sexual intercourse is a basic human necessity. But while I don’t think he had whips, ball gags, and erotic asphyxiation in mind, we all have wants and needs that should be fulfilled.

The last episodes of this season’s HBO’s Girls shows how similar interests in the bedroom can lubricate the integration of two separate lives. One dysfunctional character leaves another for a pretty, cookie cutter girlfriend, only to find out that her treat is too sweet for his dark desires. A longing for the girl who could do more than just make him cum eventually causes a riff in his relationship to his present girlfriend.

Now this might be foreign to those that prefer their sheets vanilla instead of coated in lubrication, oil, and assorted bodily fluids, but when you find that person that gets you dripping wet or rock-hard because you know they know what you what and how to give it to you, then you’ve truly found ecstasy. Sometimes you are just looking for the person that knows how to strangle you properly.

When you start doing what you want instead of stopping yourself based on what other people might think, you open opportunities that they will never have.

One thought on “Perks Of Being a Slut

  1. Wow!!!

    I think that I’ve had something to do with the inspiring tone of your wonderful blog:

    <>

    Great call-to-action at the end. You make a delicious good point.

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