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Your Girlfriend’s Best/Worst Friend

Your girlfriend has that one friend you can’t stand. The one that drinks too much, parties too hard, and is definitely too loud. She’s opinioned about your relationship, yet never has been in a stable one herself. She’s crude, rude, and always asking you to hook her up with your friends. She’s like a frat…

Ruthless

The Good Guy

GG and I snuggle on his bed, head on his shoulder, his arm wrapped around me tracing lines on my bare back as we talk about our favorite subject, me. “I bet I’m the only straight guy friend you have that has never tried to fuck you,” he pauses for dramatic effect. “And that weirds…

Ruthless

Back For More

“Let me in.” It is Rebound’s stern voice coming through the door’s intercom. It has been months, close to a year, since I’d last seen him. I press the button and wait as he climbs the stairs of my two-story walk up. Despite having a connection to him I’d stopped seeing him after our second…

Embrassed

Embarrassing Things Girls Never Talk About

My former introverted female roommate gave me a big hug and said, “Thank you for talking to me about this. I’ve never been able to talk about it before.” We were, of course, having a conversation about our vaginas. In spite of feminism, equal rights, and the boom of female sexuality there are still taboo…

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Are You The Annoying Friend?

 If you’ve passed puberty you’ve heard one of your girlfriends, female acquaintances, or frenemies say one of the follow and the urge punch her in the face was so overwhelming even the possibility of jail time wouldn’t deter you. Fuck it. Orange is the New Black, right? “I just cannot put on weight, no matter…

SHAMELESS

Miss Moxie (Part 2)

Click here for part 1 She fumbles with the button on her jeans, an excited grin plastered to her face with two colors of smudged lipstick bordering her lips emulating a painted clown. What the fuck? Just as she unzips I grab her jeans by the ankles sliding them off with her help. She is…

SHAMELESS

Miss Moxie (Part 1)

I need to have her. She is perfect. Everything I want and wanted to be. Cool, short black hair in pigtails, covered in tattoos for as far as the eye could see, and big, mischievous green eyes. I float towards her like a gravitational pull. She is the sun I will revolve around. “Hey.” “Hey.”…

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How to Make Friends with Kiddy Porn

Here’s a crazy internet story to scare parents… When I was 14-years-old I was just coming into my pop punk phase (pretty sure you can stop calling it a phase now, mom) and bands like Green Day and No Doubt blasted through my hormone crazed cranium. I emulated what I thought the child of Billie Joe Armstrong…

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How to Pick Up the Pieces of Your Broken Heart

Spring-cleaning doesn’t stop at the dustpan and mop. The New Year’s feeling of resolution and starting over with a clean slate is enhanced with sunshine and chirping birds. This mentality seems to run through to all aspects of our lives including relationships leaving some to only feel the seasonal rain and stinging bees when the…

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When Did Dating Stop Being Fun?

Lately dating has seemed like a chore. The excitement one gets prior to a date, the butterflies, the giddiness, has long been gone from my repertoire of emotions I get from the idea of a date. Maybe it’s because Hollywood, our parents, and our imaginations have played up the mating game. Maybe it’s because our…

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Perks Of Being a Slut

SLUT /SLƏT/ NOUN – A SLOVENLY OR PROMISCUOUS WOMAN I’ve been a slut for years. It came easily (pun intended) and naturally. Like a fish swimming. After all, I started masturbating at four, showed classmates my panties in kindergarten, and never thought boys had cooties. Well, at least until I moved to Los Angeles. Everyone has cooties here.…

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We Weren’t Ever Really Friends

My blog posts I Don’t Want to Be Your Friend and I Don’t Want to Be Your Friend Either are my two most highly view posts. If you haven’t read them they are each about a girl who didn’t want to be my friend anymore. The first one tapered the relationship off slowly, and the second ended…

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Delve into 2012

In the wake of New Year’s resolutions and promises that we know we will never keep, I look back instead of forward. What is the use of changing future behavior if I haven’t learned from the past? At the close of 2011 (or the beginning of 2012 — pot head memory) I made a list…

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I Don’t Want to Be Your Friend Either

Another one bites the dust. You might remember my post I Don’t Want to Be Your Friend — which was about how my closet girlfriend didn’t want to be my friend anymore. Well, history has repeated itself. Since the lost of TC I have found myself part of a cluster of girls that hangout every weekend. I once…