I Don’t Want to Be Your Friend Either

Another one bites the dust.

You might remember my post I Don’t Want to Be Your Friend — which was about how my closet girlfriend didn’t want to be my friend anymore. Well, history has repeated itself.

Since the lost of TC I have found myself part of a cluster of girls that hangout every weekend. I once thought that Sex and The City, Girls, Girlfriends, Golden Girls, Designing Women, and all shows in which four women are ALL friends was a farce on real life friendships. I mean, come on! Do you have three female best friends that meet up for coffee everyday to discuss shoes, work, and blowjobs?

But here I was proving myself wrong. I was Samantha. Blanche Devereaux. Even Turtle from Entourage when our female characters didn’t seem to quite fit. I was whoever we decided I was as we typecast each other into the leader, the brains, the comic relief, and the one with loose morals. We were living in a sit-com and playing the roles as they were given to us. And I had never been happier to be labeled the slut.

Contrary to TC, my new but now former best friend, Vince, was amazingly similar to me. A fellow Scorpio that enjoys partying, attention, and is fascinated by the dark-side of life. She is exactly where I was when I was her age; trying to establish a foothold in the community, determining where her career is headed, and in a painfully unhealthy relationship.

For the first time I knew a female that didn’t act like other females I knew. Most women say, “What are you doing tonight?” And then the stale back and forth of “I don’t know. What do you want to do?” drones on and on until someone establishes a plan by leeching onto somebody else’s.

Vince was different. Vince had plans. She was our leader and we would follow her like Lemmings over the cliff because at the bottom of the cavern was the party.

She was more than pleased to have an entourage for the first time in her life. But like all leaders, power can make even the best of people unstable. And a Scorpio woman with power is like Hitler on his period. Soon E, Drama, and I felt like we were less than characters in her show — we were becoming peons. She didn’t seem to exert the same effort we did into the friendship. She often became drunk and destroyed glasses, windows, and the relationship around her. It was the syndication of a bad episode and we all longed for the pilot that had made us tune in and fall in love.

Timing and seeing consequences before they pass have never been my strong suit. In my intoxicated state I could not foresee the aftermath of calling our drunk and passionate leader ‘lazy‘ at 3 am.

I started it. She ended it.

She walked out that night and out of our lives. A week has passed and Vince has disappeared from every connection I had to her. No Facebook, no friends, no sight or sound from our once beloved mistress of Hollywood.

She didn’t make a French exit. She told us how she felt. She did exactly what I wanted women to do when choose to cease a friendship.

And yet I still feel conflicted. I go through friends like tissues but as I feel the Kleenex box become lighter and the paper easier to remove from its casement, I know it’s only a matter of time before I pull the last one — before I am searching through the garbage for a wad I haven’t used up.

I’ve decided it’s me. I am the one that cannot keep a best friend, a girl friend, or even a friend for that matter. Whether they are exactly like me or my polar opposite, eventually it comes down to an impatience on one side for the other. I am uncompromising in my desire for fun and fairness in my friendships. Call me stubborn but I like to be treated as I treat others — with honesty, respect, and love.

Or maybe I’m just a delusional girl that doesn’t see the big picture because she’s too busy scrutinizing the brush strokes.

Dedicated to all my former best friends. Leah, Erin, Ciara, Katie, Melissa, Amanda, Melissa (again), Kellee, and Christiana. 

4 thoughts on “I Don’t Want to Be Your Friend Either

  1. Nice lol and I’m still standing here wishing that I ever had a best friend (at least one that was a girl) in the first place. I’m always overlooked and left behind. I’ve never been anyone’s best friend just the second best friend, and at this point I’ve stopped trying. I’ve always heard that if you stop trying so hard people will come to you. I don’t believe that anymore. Maybe no one gets you, I’m certain that no one gets me. You’re not alone, but maybe you are. Maybe we all are. I have no answers because I’m too busy “scrutinizing the brush strokes” too.

  2. Another beautiful entry as usual. Maybe you should see how long that friend would last before considering calling him/her your best friend? Just because you have so many things in common and that you have fun all the time does not mean they can be considered your (best)friend. It’s LA, there are “friends” and there are friends. There are people who will stick with you through all the shit and drama and not just bail if you act like an ass every now and then. Sappy as it may sound, you might want to put that into consideration.

  3. Pingback: We Weren’t Ever Really Friends « Fela Rue

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